The One Where I Talk About Mom Shaming

Ahhh the infamous mom shaming. Why do people care what mothers decide to do with their free time outside of their children? I was recently shamed for living my life and I am not sorry for it.

The One Where I Talk About Mom Shaming

So I recently went out of town for 3 days for a personal vacation. My son is a baseball player and my daughter a soccer player, and between the two of them, they have a lot of practices and games each week. In a conversation with someone, I was shamed for not being at my son’s baseball game over the weekend and not checking in on them. WHET?

AND? SO??? I was at an adult venue doing adult things with other adults. And I in fact did FaceTime my kids one morning before we started the day, but that’s neither here nor there. No matter what, it should not be a problem for me to be gone for 3 days without someone having a hissy fit about how I conduct my life. I made sure my kids were straight before planning my trip, so why you mad?

My son has had hundreds of baseball games. Literally HUNDREDS. This year so far, he’s playing on two teams, about 2-3 games per week, and he’s played in a couple of tournaments, too. He’s on about 3 teams per year for the past 6 years, that’s a whole lot of games. And practices. And team parties and events. And as time progresses, there will be even MORE. What’s it to you that I miss a game and a practice or two to live MY life? When we become mothers, we are expected to be chained down to our maternal jobs 24/7?

Double standards suck

This also recently happened with a celebrity (and I hate talking celebrity gossip), but it’s the same situation. Mom recently gave birth and decided to go out of town to party with her man, the father. Taken from Twitter:

“I’m just still really mad @ [celebrity]  for going to Coachella like what u doing sis ur vag isn’t even healed yet”

“mmmmm ya WHY THE **** WAS [celebrity] AT COACHELLA??? LIKE WHERE WAS UR CHILD ?? THAT IS 2 MONTHS OLD ???”

“@[celebrity] Your daughter is going to be **** up mentally because she’s being raised by a nanny. Don’t call yourself a mom, moms don’t leave their 2 week old to go to Miami, moms don’t leave their 2 month old to go to Coachella. Babies need the comfort of their mom #growup“

Excuse me? Y’all ok with the father heading out of town and having a blast, but MOM CAN’T? Talk about mom shaming at its finest! There’s never an issue when a man wants to go grab a drink with the guys or got stuck at the office and has to work late, and in this case, goes out of town to attend a festival. Nobody says a word. I’ve heard so many times, “She just had a baby, why is she leaving to go to XYZ?” Did the father not just have a child as well? You hear nothing about the other side, ever.

Of course, nobody bats an eye when fathers don’t show up for the school play, the open house, the soccer practice, etc. He was busy. He had to work. Whatever. There are WHOLE FATHERS missing from children’s lives and all we do is shake our heads. Let a MOM do that to her kids. You’ll never hear the end of it.

 

Stop the mom shaming and worry about yourself

So what if I miss a game. Or a practice. I am allowed to live, I am allowed to have my own life. My own goals, dreams, friends, social activities. My entire world does not revolve around the lives of others, and that DOES NOT make me a bad mom. My kids are fed, healthy, always well taken care of, clean, smart, athletic, and have a wonderful support system. They might be doing better than YOU.

I can be a parent and a woman with a life, the two are not mutually exclusive. 

Stop mom shaming. Stop being so pressed about how another woman dresses, feeds their kids, takes a vacation, potty trains her kids, or otherwise lives her life. Why do you care? Do we care about how fathers are living? Also, how many women actually change their minds after you shame them? Likely NONE.

Moms – how have you been shamed for living your life?

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