You know how you call the phone company, the bank, or the airline, and you get this urge to scream when you get put on terminal hold? It’s like you have an urgent customer service matter, but you can’t reach anyone or resolve anything.
I recently called my bank to replace a lost debit card. If worrying about your account being compromised is not frustrating enough, add speaking to an automated machine, who tries, and fails, to decode your voice…
Tool: “Did you say, “cancel my account?”
Me: “No, I freaking said customer service!”
Tool: “Alright, we’ll start over. What is it you are calling for? You can say “transaction history”, “fraud protection” or “customer service” to speak to an agent.”
You. Have. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me. I spent 23 fuming minutes on the phone with said “tool”. It’s like a never ending circle. The auto voice, and even the customer service humans who transfer you to an abyss of nothing, define terminal hold.
That’s how I feel about life. Right now. Before, it seemed that there were new happenings, new beginnings, feelings of balance and excitement. Fresh opportunities presented themselves often. Now, nada.
I am just felling blah in every area of my life. Handling my duties as a mom, wife, friend, writer, and even myself have been lacking, and I just can’t figure out how and why it got this way. I used to be able to balance everything, I had it together, and now I am just not getting any head way. When I do feel like something is emerging, looking up, or like I am getting something done, BAM. Terminal hold.
First world problems. I know.
Believe me, I know the blessings I have received, this is in no way a complaint, just a realization. I feel like I can, no, I KNOW I can do more. Be more. I don’t know how to combat this feeling of inadequacy, I am sure I can’t be the only one, right? I am constantly feeling like I want more. Is this a symptom of mid-life crisis? Do I have too much food on my plate?
I want to spend more quality time with my kids. I need to strengthen my marriage and devote more time to ‘us’. We’ve outgrown our house, and it’s been a hot mess lately. I want to advance in my dream career full time, without having to work for someone else simultaneously. I want to double the amount of opportunities, ambassadorships, events, coverage, and posts I complete, and make enough to sustain a living. I want to be able to hang with my friends and extended family instead of shooting down all opportunities due to other conflicts. And I want to take better care of myself.
Right now, I can’t make it all happen, and I feel like my days go in and out in a circle. When you are in a situation, it feels like things will never be different. I am all out of ideas. Trapped. I just continue to wonder. Maybe I bit off more than I can chew. I just want it all to come to light.
So until then, I guess i’ll be on terminal hold.