Family Lifestyle Parenting

5 Reasons Why It’s Hard For Single Moms to Get A Date — Hint, It’s NOT Because You Have Kids

There are a few reason why it’s hard for single moms to get a date, and trust me, it’s NOT your kids! Are you asking, “I am a single mother, why can’t I find a date?” You may be looking for love in all the wrong places!

5 Reasons It’s Hard For Single Moms to Get A Date — Hint, It’s NOT Because You Have Kids!

Now, it is true: there are some men who will not date women with children. This is a good thing, you’ll get an edge on weeding out the men who judge you instantly like that – they are not the men you should be dating anyway. They’re not ready for you, mentally, and that’s ok. Think of it as dodging a bullet.

Is it hard for single mothers to date?

Is it hard for single mothers to date? If you’re a single mom ready to date again, let’s first get this out of your head: MEN WILL STILL DATE YOU IF YOU HAVE KIDS. There. I said it. I know it’s true, I live it. There are men that still show interest, and don’t run when they see or hear about my children. And there are men who will avoid dating single mothers, and that’s totally fine. There are plenty of reasons that single mothers can’t find a date – age, opportunity, priorities, and standards are all factors. Time goes by, the dating pool dries up, you change, other people change. If you’re a single mom ready to date again, consider the following reasons why it’s hard for single moms to get a date.

5 Reasons Why It’s Hard For Single Moms to Get A Date

1. Age ain’t nothin’ but a number? Wrong.

I will assume that if you are currently a single mother, you’ve been through some years and you’re 25-ish, at the least, all the way up to your 50’s, dependent upon the age you had kids. Finding suitable men in your age range tends to be a catch 22. You could TRY dating older, or younger men, but there’s a chance that they won’t be on the same wavelength that you are. Will the 26 year old understand your complicated life? Will the 56 year old be too wise beyond your years? And if you’re in your 30’s (ahem), where will you find someone who is not taken?

Communication also varies across age groups: the younger generation seems to be more of the virtual/texting/hook up type of dating scenario, where as older generations actually HAD to figure out the dating scene without social media and other tech, value face to face conversation, know how to apologize, confront problems without escaping, and know what it means to “court” and be chivalrous. Us poor millennials are somewhere in between, some of us get it, and many, simply don’t.

2. Interests and Priorities

As we navigate the waters of single motherhood, there are things that we’re simply not into anymore. Partying till 4am. Excessive drinking. Tricking off money on possessions. Multiple casual sex partners. Spending hours on social media. Caring about what others think. Red cups. Sleep only a few hours per night. Working part time, or not at all. Slipping on bills. Household is always a mess. Trashing your body. Can’t cook. Holes and stained socks and underwear. Listen to the latest popular music. Dating others half your age. Questionable wardrobe choices in your 30’s, including the sagging of pants (true story). NO.

Lots of men and women in the dating game still do these things, and my life is the complete opposite. I know of men in their 30’s 40’s and 50’s who fit the bill on most of these qualities. As for the men that are beyond this stage, what are the chances that they are still single? And will understand our child-rearing, career minded, money managing, health and home caring, fun loving puzzle of a lifestyle? And loves the Lord? Good luck. Lots of these reasons contribute to why it’s hard for single moms to get a date. 

Is it hard for single moms to date? Here's why you make have single mom dating problems

3. Opportunity is scarce

Once you get past a certain age, it gets tougher to meet people. You’re not out and about as much as you were in your younger years, college is long over, your not jumping around at different jobs, bars, and beds (hopefully). Your personal maturity and responsibilities trump all of these desires. In addition to the age dilemma above, the older you get, the more that men are unavailable. Face it, as we age, more and more men are taken off the market as they get into serious relationships, have kids and get married.

So, where do we actually meet male singles to consider dating?

4. Unrealistic expectations 

Ever consider that maybe, just MAYBE, your single mom dating problems could be because you have unrealistic expectations? Do you think a man should wine and dine you? Or have a certain amount of money and possessions to his name, for his age? Are your standards are on God-like status, where he hath done no wrong? Does he have *too* much baggage? Do you compare your life expectations to those on TV and social media? Maybe you’re bourgeois, and the fairy tale story you’re looking for hasn’t appeared? Get over it. Every human on this planet has flaws, open your eyes and expand your horizons.

5. It could be YOU

Maybe your emotions are out of control, you’ve got a wall up, afraid to get hurt *again*. Maybe he’s ugly. Maybe you believe that online dating is out of the question (me). Maybe you’re traditional, and he’s not. Or vice versa. Maybe you’re complicated, eccentric or needy. Or all three, eek. You could be intimidating. Maybe you’re a single mom with no time to date. Nobody is fault-free, but sheesh woman, lighten up. 

Got single mom dating problems?

Are we too busy? Do we require too much? Are we overly entitled? I don’t think so. I think we’re just like normal single women, with an additional responsibility, which I don’t think should impose on our personal lives outside of being mothers to our children. Will guys date a single mom? YES! Although it can be hard for single moms to get a date, I am positive that there are some men that are the exceptions to the rules here. The question is: WHERE ARE THEY?

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  • I dated 3 single moms. Each was different. One cheated on me, one tried to make me jealous by picking up strangers on a bar, the third was married and we dated 9 months before I found out she was married. I was taken advantage of after financially supporting the first and showering her with gifts. The second would never introduce me to her son and said she would never marry me even if she got pregnant. The third was so dishonest I never wanted to date a single mom ever again. Those Three women ruined my view of single moms, and even women in general.

  • This is an excellent write-up that I wish all single moms would read! I think the biggest problem is unrealistic expectations. A lot of single moms want Prince Charming to swoop in and start giving all of his effort on pleasing them and their children without the single mom giving him the attention he desires and despite there likely being plenty of younger, prettier, and childless singles on the market. This leads to the great catch-22. In order to land a great guy, it takes a lot of time and effort weeding out the countless bad ones and even more effort convincing him to choose you over all of the others out there with less baggage and better appearances despite time and effort being a very precious commodity when raised one or more kid alone.

    • I totally agree! There is also a stigma that single moms are used goods, and that sucks. Truth be told, if a man is that superficial and bows to the pressures of society, he is not the one!

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